The Dating Game

Whether you’re looking for your soulmate or just dating for fun, dating can be confusing. There are so many “rules” and unknowns. As you get older, and are still single, dating becomes like a job. It’s something you feel like you have to do in order to reach this end goal. As more of your friends couple up, or get married, you feel like you’re alone, like you’re the last single person. Well that’s not true! You need to give up the “timeline” you had planned for yourself and date for fun, without pressure. You can’t force something to happen, and chances are, if you’re like me, it’s going to happen when you least expect it. 

So you may be wondering why is someone that’s married doing a blog post on dating. Well #1, I am married so I’ve gone through the dating game before (even if it was a long time ago). And #2, one of my best friends suggested I do a blog post on this topic, specifically a Q&A with guys about dating advice. She thought it would be interesting for guys to answer questions that girls always wonder about in regards to dating. She is single and always asking her older brother for dating advice. She thought other people could be in the same boat and may want to get dating advice from more than one perspective. 

I decided to ask one of my single guy friends and one that has been off the market for a long time and is married to answer your questions you submitted on my Instastory. I hope this is informative AND funny for y’all, especially to see how their answers compare! I know I enjoyed it! The answers are marked with an S for single and M for married so you can differentiate them.

This is a long one, so grab a snack, get cozy, and enjoy!

How does it look if a girl texts you first or initiates a date? Acceptable or needy?

S: If a girl initiates a date, I find it not just acceptable but attractive; however, it does depend on the girl and the amount of time I’ve known her. If I’ve known a girl for a significant amount of time and situations have arisen where something could have been taken further, but nothing happened then I’d prefer to make the first move. If I have just met a girl while out somewhere at an event or a bar and she approaches and initiates a conversation, then yes I find her determination pretty attractive.

M: When I was single, if a girl texted me or initiated things first, my gut reaction would be to think it’s attractive. It’s nice to be sought out and given a change of pace. However, I feel as though its a case by case basis. I’m sure your readers want a straight up answer, but it’s not. I am and have always been about trusting your instincts. If you wanted to text me first, it probably meant we had a great first connection. If we were in a bar and you came up to me first, I’d think that would be extremely attractive. Overall, definitely acceptable and attractive. 

What do you do when the bill comes on a first date? How do you like for a girl to handle this situation?

S: I don’t expect anything to be split on the first date or any subsequent dates until about 3 months have gone by. On the first date and maybe a few afterward, I’d want the girl to at least make a comment like, “Hey, let’s split it,” or do the classic faux-reach for the bill; but I’d definitely pay for it. The faux-reach or comment gives a sense of courteousness that wouldn’t occur if she just blatantly expected to be paid for. I will give a stipulation in which I would find it pretty attractive if my date had paid. If I had gone away from the table for some reason maybe to the bathroom or get us drinks at the bar, and I came back and the bill was already taken care of in an attempt to avoid the awkwardness that is the “first date bill dance” then hell yes that is pretty hot, and I’m probably going to put out.

M: I always think that it makes you a true gentleman when carrying out a few selfless acts.  A few examples would be opening the door for a lady, buying your significant others flowers, and definitely paying for the meal on the first date. It’s like rule #7 of the handbook. 
It’s always nice of the girl to offer. This situation reminds me of an episode of HIMYM when Ted Mosby goes on a blind date. Half way through the date he realizes that he is on the same blind date with the same woman from years past. They then try to figure out what went wrong. One thing Ted thought she did wrong, and I agree, is she did not play the “check dance.” What that means is that she did not attempt to pay for the meal where then Ted would say that he’s got it handled. This pretty much gives an unannounced pat on the back to the guy in this situation when he’s probably very nervous and try to build some confidence at every corner of the conversation during that date. In the end, I think it’s nice if the girl plays the “check dance,” but I’ll still pick up the check.

What is the best way to get a guy’s attention in public? Since no one ever approaches anyone in public these days.

S: This one is harder to answer because I’d say it depends on the place in public. If say I’m at the grocery store and see a girl there who is buying something that says along the lines of “Hey, I like to party,” such as an exotic beer or wine; I may make it my purpose to go over and do a ring check and make sure said beer or wine is for her.

A lot of times if I see an attractive girl at a place otherwise not expected to have attractive females, then her existence is enough to get my attention and provoke a reaction. Places such as this could be: DMV, eye doctor’s office, dentist’s office. Basically any office which is not my own and I’m there for some specific purpose. The girl in question would not have to do a lot to get my attention; however, whether or not I make an effort to approach her is a different story.

Another common place I expect to see attractive women other than at bars is the gym. Now, I know this is a controversial among those of the opposite sex. Most of the time they just want to work out in peace, but I do believe sometimes they are looking for attention. In those specific instances where a girl is at the gym, but maybe is making eye contact longer than expected or timing her set breaks to where her cooler visit is at the same time as mine; a case could be made to initiate a conversation. This kind of falls back to the first question a little bit as well because gym etiquette in my opinion dictates girls be left alone to their workouts, so if a girl were to make a move at the gym I’d find it extremely attractive.

Finally, the most obvious place for close encounters happens to be almost by some divine nature the hardest place to pick up on signals: bars. It’s the hardest place to get anyone’s attention: low light, loud music, group conversations. Honestly, I’m not sure there is a great way to get my attention there between my inebriated state and attention on conversations. Some nights out I do focus on meeting someone, and on those I’d say one of the big attention grabbers is if I see a girl order an obscure beer. To me that shows she prefers beer to some other mix drink so we have a similar interest in that regard, and also she has enough knowledge about beer to order something rare which is a turn-on.

M: I understand in this day in age that it must be hard to meet people in public. I was fortunate enough to meet my wife before all of the dating apps were invented. That being said, I do see that those apps’ existence makes it harder to meet people in public. It changes the setting. On the other hand though, I remember what it was like before smartphones. It would be nice to meet someone without being able to find out a brief history by looking at Instagram or Facebook and learn about them organically. 

That being said, if I were single, I think if a girl across the bar just smiled at me, it would get my attention. People are so consumed by their phones these days. If I looked up and a cute girl threw me a smile that would be enough for me to go buy her a drink. I’d think that would be a really attractive nonverbal way to show interest.

Would you rather meet a girl in person (like a bar) or online?

S: 100% would rather meet a girl in person. I’ve always been a fan of answering the “how did you two meet” question. That answer is significantly dulled by an app. I’ve tried apps in the past and probably will try them again, but as far as my preference goes: in the flesh.

M: I would absolutely want to meet the girl in person first. I don’t think the dating apps are bad though. I understand that people live busy lives and that is the only way they can meet these days. I can see both sides, but I would prefer in person.

How do you know when it’s time to break up or work on the issues?

S: For me in the past the classic signs were there at the end. Less time spent together, less phone time, more excuses – those kinds of things. It’s always been more of a gut feeling than a thought out process. If it’s worth working out, then I believe the individual will make an effort to preserve the relationship.

M: That’s easy for me: when you don’t get that feeling of being excited to see your significant other when work is over or till your next date. If you find the right person, that never goes away.

Do guys social media stalk?

S: Yes 100%, we definitely social media stalk. It is not only a good way of coming across bikini pics but also any possible similar interests.

M: Yeah for sure. I have a couple friends who are single, and we always check out the girl on Facebook or Instagram to see what she’s like. It’s not the ideal way to learn about the person, but you need to play all the cards you are dealt with.

I hope you all enjoyed this post, whether you’re single or in a relationship! It was way different than anything I’ve ever done on the blog. If you’re single, get out there, have fun, and enjoy dating! Don’t think of it as a burden trying to find that special someone! Be yourself, and the right person will come along and be attracted to you! LOVE YOU ALL!

2 thoughts on “The Dating Game

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